Anna Nicole, Royal Opera

New opera from Mark-Anthony Turnage and Richard Thomas has its attractions

Look past the cum buckets, the trucker pussy, the fuck you-ing and cunt-hungry beasting (librettist Richard Thomas's words, not mine), the mountainous titties and cheap promotional candy that had been confected for the legions of rubbishy celebrity opera virgins scattered in the Royal Opera House audience at last night's world premiere and you will find a profoundly conservative, and mostly not unattractive, new opera in Anna Nicole.

Accolade, Finborough Theatre

A rediscovered play offers a timely critique of social hypocrisy

Emlyn Williams may have been dubbed the “Welsh Noël Coward” and the action of his long-neglected Accolade may take place in a drawing room, but there’s little of the smiling social comedy to be found here. Trading sparkling cocktails and repartee for whisky and unpalatable truths, Williams’s play exposes the pinstriped hypocrisy of 1950s society – a society that will press its powdered cheek to all manner of sordidness in the name of Art, while recoiling from even a passing acquaintance with the workaday squalor of its members. Frank, and more than a little apt, the result is a stylish morality play that smuggles a progressive liberal agenda in under its cassock.

Lucrezia Borgia, English National Opera

Figgis adrift amid Donizetti's rum-te-tums

When future historians write the story of 21st-century film, Mike Figgis will play a founding father-like role. Figgis's Timecode (2000) was one of the world's first and most ambitious digital films. I still remember the excitement the day I saw it, the unified screen before me shattering into shards of narrative. This was the first film to sing in four simultaneously cast parts in the manner of a Bach fugue. Notwithstanding its many faults, it felt like the silver screen's Ring cycle.

DVD: A Blonde in Love

Miloš Forman’s Czech New Wave classic comes up fresh in a welcome reissue

Miloš Forman’s second feature, from 1965, catches the absurd atmosphere of the director’s native Czechoslovakia with both quiet desperation and raw tenderness. Heroine Andula (Hana Brejchová) works in a shoe factory in a town where women outnumber men by 16 times – until it is announced that an army division is to be relocated there, to the excitement of the local girls. But it turns out they are reservists and considerably older and plumper than expected.

Becky Shaw, Almeida Theatre

Gina Gionfriddo's comedy of bad manners and sexual mores is too clever by half

Becky Shaw is lonely, unattractively needy, nervous, hungry for affection, affirmation, security. We are all Becky Shaw. That’s a gross generalisation, of course – but then, generalisation is the language of Gina Gionfriddo’s play, which premiered in Louisville, Kentucky, prior to a 2009 off-Broadway run.

Robert Mapplethorpe, Alison Jacques Gallery

Peter Reed, clenching his buttocks, by Robert Mapplethorpe

The man with a bullwhip up his bottom sculpts with his photos

The first thing to make clear is that Robert Mapplethorpe, notorious for his photograph of himself with a bullwhip up his arse, is not really a photographer: he is a sculptor who works in the medium of photography. What else can explain the marble and ebony of his chiselled subjects, or the fact that most of the works selected for this show as responses to Mapplethorpe are sculptures?

Jimmy Carr, Orchard Theatre, Dartford

Rude, crude and frequently funny - but lacking in warmth of human kindness

Jimmy Carr, a comedian who has more than once got into hot water over jokes that some find offensive, does a very strange thing for the encore of his latest show, Laughter Therapy - he gives a lecture cum homily on the limits of offensiveness, and how anything is permissible if the audience allows it. “I know my jokes are cruel and brutal and unacceptable,” he says. “But they have only one purpose - to make you laugh.”

The Boy James, Southwark Playhouse

Verbose Pan: Jethro Compton as the Boy in ‘The Boy James’

An evocative staging of JM Barrie’s loss of youth fails to take wing

We remember JM Barrie as the creator of Peter Pan, that quintessentially English fairy story which features Neverland, the Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up, and where “to die would be an awfully big adventure”. Generations have embraced this mythical tale as an expression of the spirit of upper-class Deep England. Here the Victorians are us. But James Matthew Barrie himself was the child of a Scottish Calvinist working-class family, and is the subject of Alexander Wright’s play — a hit in Edinburgh last year — which aspires to be a kind of anti-myth.

The Urethra Postcard Art of Gilbert & George

'4 Views on Flag', 2009: Postcard of a London landmark arranged as angularised symbols of the urethra

The godfathers of Britart create some sad poetry out of their postcard collection

Radio interviewer: “Are you Royalists?” George: “Of course! We’re not weird.” Gilbert & George may have been accused in the past of being coprophiliac pederast fascists (owing to their love of turds, anuses, young men with cropped hair and bovver boots and the Union Jack), but this art duo can certainly make you smile. In fact, Gilbert & George can often be quite irrepressibly funny – definitely "ha ha" as well as peculiar. And since they and their art seem as one, one senses they’d make excellent after dinner speakers.

Blue Valentine

A controversial break-up melodrama sees things from the male point of view

The American indie Blue Valentine was heralded in October by a sexy W magazine cover of its stars - Ryan Gosling smooching Michelle Williams’s temple as she parts her becrimsoned lips and gazes provocatively at us - and the restrictive NC-17 rating (the old “X”) granted it for “its shocking, gory depiction of a dying marriage”. Both cover and rating were wholly misleading publicity fillips for the movie, which isn’t glamorous or gory, or even pornographic: the shots of Williams’s Cindy being taken from behind by one boyfriend and receiving oral sex from another - Gosling’s Dean, with whom she’s newly in love - are inexplicit and more functional than erotic.

By early December, the Weinstein Company, which had bought the film for distribution when it bowed at Sundance, had successfully campaigned to have the rating changed to an R (under-17-year-olds require an accompanying parent or adult guardian) while retaining, of course, the whiff of scandal. Having opened in the US on 29 December, Blue Valentine had turned a profit on its $1 million cost by last weekend and rolled out from four cinemas to 40.

Derek Cianfrance’s long-gestating working-class melodrama, which crosscuts at an accelerating pace between Cindy and Dean’s miserable present in rural Philadelphia and their courtship in Brooklyn and Queens, the separate strands climaxing concurrently at their wedding and imminent divorce, is simultaneously a low-voltage celebration of falling in love and, cancelling out that divine spark, a wade in a slough of despond. Watching Cindy and Dean crying in their kitchen - knowing that their love for their five-year-old daughter, Frankie, will not sustain their marriage, the man begging the woman, “Tell me what to do” - some viewers will identify with their plight, others will feel an unwanted spasm of apprehension.

Like John Cassavetes, the key aesthetic influence here, not least in the improvisatory tone, Cianfrance sympathises with his characters, the kind but irresolute Dean even more than the responsible Cindy, who has tired of his immaturity and fallen out of love with him. Warning to funny young dads: if you want your wife to find you sexually attractive, don’t slurp instant oatmeal off the kitchen table in front of her, no matter how much it entertains the kids. The unnecessarily spelled-out psychological rationale for Blue Valentine’s marital crisis is that Dean has maternalised Cindy and started to act like a child.

The film begins on the eve of the relationship’s collapse. Dean, the son of a janitor who played music, is himself an amateur musician who works (in the flashbacks) as a removal man and (in the present) as a painter-decorator. He has never acknowledged to himself that he has had any ambitions beyond wanting to be a devoted husband and father, a stance that mystifies Cindy and is called into question by his heavy drinking. Cindy, whose parents were unhappily married, is a hardworking nurse who once harboured dreams of practising medicine; she is appalled to discover that the doctor she works for is supportive because he wants sex.

After the family dog is found dead, the couple take Frankie to stay with Cindy’s father so they can figure out what to tell her about the pet’s loss, and Dean suggests they take the opportunity to spend the night at what Cindy describes, such is her enthusiasm, as a “cheesy sex motel". They book themselves into the space-themed “Future Room” - Blue Valentine’s ironies err on the side of obvious - and hit bottom when she sexually rejects him. When she departs for work early the next morning, she leaves him in a drunken stupor on the floor. Dean finally resorts to violence, slugging not Cindy but (pleasingly) the lustful doctor. There’s no way back.

Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling in Blue ValentineWhere the "now" is depicted coolly and objectively, the "then" is vivid and intimate - it has the quality of memory, of private romantic myth. They first met, we learn, at a managed-care facility where Dean had fixed up the room of a dying old man whose house he had moved and where Cindy was visiting her beloved grandmother. She had a college boyfriend and resisted him. He had a strong line in cheek and a tiny guitar (pictured above) and, after he met her again, inspired her to dance in a shop doorway while he played and warbled “You Always Hurt the One You Love”. Leading to their first lovemaking, this scene has a goofy coy quality but it sticks in the mind after the film has ended. So, too, does the scene in which, following a horrendous experience at an abortion clinic, they embrace on a bus and acknowledge that they’re in love. The ethereal folk-rock of Grizzly Bear’s score amps up the indie cred of the couple’s salad days.

Shot almost entirely in close-ups, Blue Valentine has a vivid immediacy, though, problematically, a transparently male point of view. Cindy’s naked breasts and rear are shown; we see little of Dean’s torso. Her sexual history is exposed, but Dean’s isn’t. A good deal of humiliating rigmarole is made, in the clinic, of the fact that she first had sex at 13 and has had 25 partners - why, one wonders, didn’t Cianfrance and his two co-writers set those figures at a less Lolita-ish age 16, say, and a more manageable nine lovers? Maybe Cindy’s past promiscuity is meant to balance Dean’s current fecklessness? Regrettably, too, it seems as if Gosling’s busy, Method-y acting - the influence of Cassavetes again - is preferred to Williams’s quieter, more grounded style. She is not an actress, however, who easily sacrifices dignity or complexity: her Cindy makes as compelling - if ultimately less heartbreakingly perplexed - a wife at the end of her tether as her Alma Del Mar in Brokeback Mountain.

 

RYAN GOSLING'S FILMOGRAPHY

Blue Valentine (2010). A controversial break-up melodrama sees things from the male point of view

Ryan Gosling in DriveDrive (2011). Ryan Gosling's brilliant, bruising ride into LA darkness (pictured)

Crazy, Stupid, Love (2011). Ryan Gosling teaches Steve Carell how to score in a film that doesn't

The Ides of March (2011). George Clooney's star-packed morality tale superbly anatomises political chicanery

The Place Beyond the Pines (2013). Derek Cianfrance and Ryan Gosling follow Blue Valentine with an epic tale of cops and robbers

Gangster Squad (2013). Ruben Fleischer swaps zombies for gangsters with mixed results

Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone in La La LandOnly God Forgives (2013). Nicolas Winding Refn and Ryan Gosling follow Drive with a simmering tale of vengeance

The Big Short (2015). Director Adam McKay successfully makes a drama out of a crisis

The Nice Guys (2016). Russell Crowe and Ryan Gosling buddy up to crack jokes, bones and crime in 70s LA

La La Land (2017). Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone (pictured above) will have you floating out of the cinema on a cloud