The talent show search - not for another star but for another field to devour - has reached its logical conclusion. Whereas most such shows - The X Factor, for example - are ostensibly about one skill or another as a pretext for marketing, Britain's Next Big Thing last night on BBC Two was a talent show about finding a merchandising opportunity. Artisans were given the chance to pitch their products to major chains, and the first episode was set at Liberty (not Libertys, as most called it).
Theo Paphitis of Dragons' Den made fleeting appearances, talking to ambitious artisans queueing up for an open day at Liberty, the 19th-century retail emporium off Regent Street which is still the last word in chic fabrics, but his connection was tenuous at best, something to draw in fans of the sarky start-up show. The stars (for which, read: fodder) were the creatives with their bejewelled jockstraps and mineral-print scarves (divine) and prototype pigeons for stroking and cooing over.
In fact, if you substituted pigeon-fanciers for teens with maudlin back stories and greater confidence in their voices than was deserved, this could have been The X Factor, and that's not a compliment. We had the Ayrshire carpenter-turned-sculptor (suitably unsuited to the London ways of the Liberty buying team), the sisters-in-law designing decorous teen bras, the post-grad students with their post-grad ideas. All the tropes - rejected candidates wouldn't be deterred, all the experience was worth it - were there; there was mercifully little crying, but we were in the ballpark.
This show had, however, more significance than most other talent shows because of its timing; whereas we always (or never) need another brassy belter in the hit parade, the Government tells us that it is small and medium-size enterprises which will bring us back to economic growth. We know that Britain leads the world in the creative fields, so Britain's Next Big Thing was the perfect combination: SME artisans trying to make it big.
Like most shows claiming to represent reality, this could have done with a lot more of it. While the product pitches were probably useful to aspiring artisans, the concept of an open day is not the best way to encourage them: they are a conveyor belt, and don't reflect the hard slog of trying to get meetings with shops or gruelling presentations which consist of more than whipping out your stuffed lamb (not a euphemism, sadly). Still, at least elements like price, competitiveness, production and scalability were brought out: in X Factor land, having the heart and the voice is enough.
There were illogical elements (why was the head of press sitting in product-choosing meetings?) and the stories uncompelling (sadly, the crazies make the best TV), but it was at least vaguely instructive about how to sell yourself - and your product.
Finally, this is not an accusation I would level with frequency, but the incompetence of the director/editor in including a random, unrelated scene from another open day at Boots - in the middle of a programme exclusively about Liberty - was astonishing. Perhaps we need a talent-show search for people who want to produce a talent show. Now that's something I could market.
- Watch Britain's Next Big Thing on BBC iPlayer
Find Dragons' Den on Amazon
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