JasperRees He can't pronounce vuvuzela
JasperRees Is this really Becks' first time? What do he and Rourke say to each other? Bloody hell, Roxy are looking a bit senior
SweetingAdam Rourke once made a TV movie about Shergar. Title role I guess.
JasperRees Did they deliberately choose a Mickey Rourke clip in which he didn't say a word?
SweetingAdam They've put Rourke's head on backwards.
JasperRees Has Woss ever told anyone they don't look fantastic? Rourke manifestly would qualify. He looks like he just got reconstructed after a fire
JasperRees He's talking through his ears. I haven't heard a word
SweetingAdam Mickey was contemplating suicide at one point. His dog talked him out of it.
JasperRees Rourke: 'I hope I'm not boring anybody.' Hm.
JasperRees @SweetingAdam. I've got loghorroea. You gonna up your output, colleague? My daughter's just left. 'Tell me when Beckham's on.'
SweetingAdam This interview is failing to ignite. Get Andrew Sachs in here.
JasperRees Woss is nervous. He's thinking legacy. His final moments on the Beeb and Rourke is on tranqs. Bring back Parky
SweetingAdam Sorry I think my computer just fell asleep
SweetingAdam Saw this clip the other day from when Woss used to be thin. He never needed those David Byrne suits. Thank God that one’s over
JasperRees Atrocious interview. Now worried Chan and Becks are going to stiff too. Leaving it all down to Roxy. Like watching England’s group games
SweetingAdam Never really saw the point of Jackie, I must admit. This isn't helping.
JasperRees Loved those chop socky films he did with Owen Wilson. Wonder what The Karate Kid's like.
SweetingAdam Experts now agree that Jackie's finest role was in Kung Fu Panda.
SweetingAdam I was just thinking of that joke about "this chicken is rubbery"
JasperRees Are we being predictably sour? Or is this like watching a painting of a train wreck dry? And am I too full of questions?
SweetingAdam They could just give the last 25 minutes over to Roxy Music, but Bryan might not make it at his age.
SweetingAdam "I'm the biggest Jackie Chan film you're ever going to meet"?
JasperRees Woss was always better when he was not blowing smoke up the fundament of his guests.
SweetingAdam It's like Ross has left the building already. Dragging a huge sack of money. Our money.
JasperRees More smoke from Woss. Chan is using this like an ad on gumtree. BTW Woss has someone to carry the money. One to go.
SweetingAdam "I'm just a huge fan". A phrase that will live in infamy.
JasperRees Becks stat. Did you know he's a huge fan of Lego? Got into it while licking a wound. The ugly truth came out this week
SweetingAdam You can imagine the pre-show conference. "Guys, should we have Nicholas Serota, Stephen Hawking or a footballer?"
JasperRees Yeah but Becks nearly finished his Taj Mahal Lego set. The hardest one on the market. He has hidden depths, I feel. Mock not.
SweetingAdam Ross must be worried that Becks is going to speak his weight.
JasperRees OK mock then.
JasperRees 'This might sound like an incredibly stupid question... Can [Capello] communicate in the way you can communicate?' No answer to that
SweetingAdam About this Lego thing... was he plugging the wound with Lego?
JasperRees Nor to that. Becks has just sat on Woss’s lap. Not pre-scripted by any chance? Becks looked like he’d rather be sewing up his eyelids
SweetingAdam This is making me yearn for the golden age of Russell Harty.
SweetingAdam The great thing about doing this is that all the replies come back in the wrong order... AND BECKS JUST SAID I LOVE LEGO!
JasperRees Or for Grace Jones to come on and give Woss a slap. Please note Beck has fessed up to Lego habit
SweetingAdam He was actually very insightful about Lego.
JasperRees ‘She’s down in my phone as Posh.’
SweetingAdam Becks has the charisma of an energy-saving lightbulb.
JasperRees Colemanballs alert: ‘My three-year-old has been saying please and thank you since he was three years old’
JasperRees Unduly harsh on lightbulbs.
SweetingAdam Only five and half minutes max left for Roxy!
JasperRees Becks on Afghanistan. The UN Security Council, the Pentagon and the MoD, not to mention Taliban, are all watching on satellite
SweetingAdam "You do have incredible skill." I think Ross is morphing into Paxman! You can picture Becks on patrol with the SAS.
JasperRees When this statemanlike disquisition has run its course, what will Roxy be playing? Something old, something new? Yr call...
SweetingAdam Blasted wifi just went down... back live now.Though it's more like death warmed up.
JasperRees Where's Brian Eno? Is he not on the latest reunion? Too busy curating think-ins. I do believe that's a woman on keys
SweetingAdam Back to Becks for a mo. Why does he have to raise money for people? He could just give them some of his.
SweetingAdam Jeez, does Ferry still have a pulse? Just standing up is wearing the old boy out.
JasperRees He was never much of a mover. But he does have some highly efficient mop colorant
SweetingAdam There's something to be said for miming, isn't there? Like "Why aren't they?" Oh PLEASE STOP
JasperRees @SweetingAdam Me or Roxy? I think they heard. He's stopped. Over to Woss for the valediction.
JasperRees He's thanking his guests, his producers, his crew. If he thanks his manager...
SweetingAdam From anarchic irreverence to senility in just a few short years
JasperRees Did you hear the lump in his throat? Woss sobs. Tears of a clown.
SweetingAdam What a great show. Next!
- Watch the last episode of Friday Night with Jonathan Ross on BBC iPlayer
- Follow theartsdesk on Twitter
- Read other Twitter reviews on theartsdesk
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