Anyone remember Haddaway? Or Dr Alban? These were flash-in-the-pan early-Nineties pop stars who combined European dance music with tints of R&B and Afro-Caribbean pop. Who'd have thought their sound would be the template for mainstream American pop for the early 2010s. From Black Eyed Peas to Jennifer Lopez, everyone's into low-calory trance-house cheese with a side order of gutless electro.
And now here's Chris Brown riding the tepid gravy train. The US R&B superstar's fourth album is overflowing with under-par rave leftovers, vocoders everywhere but flavour and bite duly neutered, as emphasised by a guest appearance from Justin Bieber. Dance stompers, such as the single "Yeah 3X", will work well on Saturday nights in barn-like suburban bars that tune their giant flatscreens off Sky Sport of an evening and show looped hip-hop videos full of ladies in bikinis.
There has been media concern over the speed of Brown's rehabilitation after the legal case of 2009 when he was convicted of assaulting Rihanna, his then girlfriend. While we should factor in how young Brown was (19) and the fact he himself was a victim of childhood domestic violence, his actions were still grotesque. Whether they should curtail his career, however, is a moot point. Only "Champion", with British MC Chipmunk, confronts these issues but, unfortunately simply implies, vaguely, that Brown was victim of some nebulous misfortune from which he's bounced back.
Also unfortunately, Brown hasn't forgotten how to woo with drab porno seediness. An ode to cunnilingus boasts he's "gonna put your legs behind your head, then I make you wet the bed", or how about "No Bullshit", a booty-call slow grind of sleazy drivel such as, "You already know what time it is, reach up in the dresser where the condoms is". This style was tired when R Kelly first did it, let alone now. There is one really tasty track on F.A.M.E., the Diplo-produced speed-rap extravaganza "Look at Me Now" featuring Busta Rhymes and Lil Wayne, but the rest is tasteless mulch that will be clogging the airwaves for months and should sell millions.
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